Sad but true, chᴇᴀting is not something rare in relationships. Although men and women may have different reasons to chᴇᴀt, the consequences are no different. Both of them get h*rt.
There are various types of chᴇᴀting, either simple or complicated. A number of reasons why men and women chᴇᴀt have been studies by psychologists with different theories behind them. The chᴇᴀters seem to be simply considered a nasty or horrible person, but psychology put forward far more profound factors that may lie under the matters than that. The following part dives into the psychology behind chᴇᴀting.
PSYCHOLOGY BEHIND CHᴇᴀTING
It can be difficult to understand chᴇᴀters, particularly when the one who has been chᴇᴀted on is you. Sufferers have the tendency to get caught in self-blaming, where they ask themselves if their partner chᴇᴀts due to something, they did wrong. In fact, one can never make another chᴇᴀt. Instead, chᴇᴀting is a choice that is personally made by a personal as a result of their own underlying problems.
On the word of clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., those who chᴇᴀt mostly have more than one reason. There is a collection of psychological patterns that cause chᴇᴀting. These patterns are hardly ever related to the one who is chᴇᴀted on.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Robin Haight suggests that chᴇᴀters are the people who are in search of their satisfactory partner but fails to do so, thus they end up chᴇᴀting. It’s not chᴇᴀting that they really want, it’s something else that they’re looking for. “It can get complicated,” says Dr. Haight.
Although the chᴇᴀters’ psychological background is complicated, there are some surface reasons that are easier to understand as to why men and women chᴇᴀt. The next section talks about 15 of these reasons.
REASONS MEN AND WOMEN CHᴇᴀT
1. THE RELATIONSHIP lacks COMMUNICATION.
If a relationship doesn’t have enough communication, it may become extremely frustrating. One or both individuals in a relationship tend to feel disregarded and insignificant without open and honest communication. And if this goes on for a long time, chᴇᴀting is likely to happen.
It can be said that the chᴇᴀter is expressing themselves by chᴇᴀting that is caused by the absence of communication in a relationship. They look for other ways to do it as they feel that it is difficult to do with their partner. Some people decide to use dr*gs or alc*h*l. Others decide to chᴇᴀt. Either way is devastating to a relationship.
2. THEY want to PUNISH THEIR PARTNER.
In response to their partner’s chᴇᴀting or other mistakes, some people chᴇᴀt as a way they punish their partner. Either as a revenge or a penalty, it is obvious that the chᴇᴀting is the way the chᴇᴀter expresses their anger with their partner.
It is sometimes much more satisfying to punish their partner secretly instead of doing it in person. The chᴇᴀter feels better, with chᴇᴀting, because of the idea of secret betrayal. But it’s not necessarily the infidelity itself that the chᴇᴀter enjoys, it’s the sense of power and control that they like.
3. THEY FEEL unAPPRECIATEd by THEIR PARTNER
Chᴇᴀting is totally a personal option. No one is forced to chᴇᴀt by anybody else. Still, the way a person may influence their decisions.
Keep in mind that it is phrased as “think they are being treated”. Maybe a person is not being mistreated, yet they, for some reasons, feel like they are. There can be a lack of communication and passion, or even mental instability, which causes them to feel like that.
The point is they feel that they are not appreciated enough, or perhaps they even think they are invisible in the relationship, which can motivate them to chᴇᴀt for the reason that they just want to feel wanted or needed.
4. THEY WANT but DON’T KNOW HOW TO BREAK UP.
Not knowing how to end a relationship is one of the noticeable reasons why men and women. They are no longer enjoy their current relationship but can’t find a way to tell their partner. Neither do they want to h*rt the other nor do they want to be the villain. They probably just don’t want to look like a failure to others.
A person can easily turn into a chᴇᴀter due to not being open about their feelings. In this case, they may not even attempt too much to conceal the fact that they chᴇᴀt. They possibly wish to be exposed so they’ll have the chance to end the relationship. Sometimes that is easier than talks.
5. The PASSION in THE RELATIONSHIP decreases.
The disappearance of passion from the relationship is another big reason why men and women chᴇᴀt. It doesn’t necessarily mean they no longer care about their partner. The relationship may have simply grown tedious or unexciting, even though they still deeply in love with their partner, and they just don’t know how to fix it.
Love only, sometimes, isn’t enough to maintain a long-term relationship. It requires passion, as well. It is a must to maintain a good connection and a strong s*xual desire. Without it, the romantic needs aren’t being met, then the relationship will break down.
6. THE PERSON HAS PROBLEMS with COMMITMENT.
Chᴇᴀting can be caused by issues in several different ways. First one, which is also the most obvious is that they’re afraid or unwilling to commit. Chᴇᴀting is basically their way of refusing commitment.
Looking from another direction, people have different way to define commitment. They often blame the misunderstanding on miscommunication. One person can consider this stage of the relationship as monogamy whereas the other may disagree to commit to the relationship at that point. The best way to avoid this trouble is suitable communication.
7. THEY FEEL LONELY.
People act unusual due to loneliness, which possibly results from a lack of communication or inadequate attention from their partner. Humans are always in search of meaningful relationships as we aren’t meant to be lonely. Friendships help, but it’s essential to have interactive romantic relationships, as well.
The chᴇᴀter may feel energized in the beginning. Yet, they’re often end up feeling even more tangled and lonely than ever after those first feelings of revitalization fade. In the end, they didn’t get the attention that they really need from their partner, which can turn them into even more frequent chᴇᴀter in an effort to fill the emptiness.
8. their NEEDS AREN’T BEING MET.
Some couples have different needs, which is why they just aren’t a perfect match for each other. Of course, they may have mutual affection, but one of them or sometimes both people are unable to or fail to meet the other’s needs.
There are several ways to explain this. Two people can have different emotional desires, different s*x needs, different ways to define a relationship, different spiritual beliefs, or different demands for how much quality time they have with their loved one. Chᴇᴀting may occur when specific needs aren’t being satisfied.
9. SOME PEOPLE HAVE AN UNCOMMONLY HIGH S*X DRIVE.
Some people just simply unable to control their s*xual desires. In those cases, they chᴇᴀt because they just need to have a lot of s*x. There are not necessarily any problems with their relationship, that their needs aren’t being satisfied, that they’re insecure, or anything else on this list.
This incontrollable s*xual desire is identified as hyper s*xuality. The person will need to look for professional support if they have this behavior, as it is a mental disorder. Most of the time, the person may hide this behavior of theirs if possible because they feel embarrassed. Hopefully, before their relationship is destroyed, they will be able to reach the help they need.
10. THEY HAVE LOW EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE.
The definition of emotional intelligence is the ability to properly control and express your emotions as well as handle interpersonal relationships well. Some people just lack this ability, or they may be quite bad at it. In other words, they just lack necessary self-understanding to maintain a relationship.
A person who is unable to express what they really need is also a result of low emotional intelligence. This led to the fact that their partner is unable to understand, either. Then, the person ends up chᴇᴀting as a result of not being good at communicating.
11. THEY CHᴇᴀT IN AN EFFORT TO SAVE THE RELATIONSHIP.
Although it can seem the wrong way round, some people use chᴇᴀting as a way to protect their relationship. This hardly ever helps, but they somehow think it will. This typically happens when their needs aren’t being satisfied, but the chᴇᴀter doesn’t want to ruin the relationship.
They defense themselves that they can live without specific needs fulfilled by their partner if they find some other way to meet those needs. It seems almost reasonable except that the chᴇᴀter has to live a double life and the relationship they fought so hard to keep can be ruined once their partner discovers their secrets.
12. THEY MAY CONSIDER CHᴇᴀTING as not a BIG DEAL.
People have different ways to define chᴇᴀting, just like they do with commitment. One can consider flirting chᴇᴀting whereas the other might think it’s harmless. One can think that having s*x without affection is not chᴇᴀting, but the other may consider it a serious violation.
This is another problem with miscommunication. It’s essential that couples talk over the idea of chᴇᴀting early in the relationship, although most people don’t want to. It goes the same as how they should deliver their own opinions on commitment or any other part of the relationship. Chᴇᴀting can be prevented by making sure you and your partner are on the same page through proper communication (or signpost that your partner has no intention to be faithful).
13. THE CHᴇᴀTER HAS LOW SELF-ESTEEM.
You may think that it is strange how low self-esteem could be a reason for a person to chᴇᴀt, but it’s not as strange as it seems. People who lack self-confidence can try to find as many partners as they so that they can validate themselves. Rather than trying to add notches to their belts, it’s more likely that they don’t feel like being loved by the person they’re in a relationship with.
They begin searching for attention elsewhere as lack of self-confidence begin to surface and they feel less and less treasured. The similar problem will occur in their following relationship, which leads to a cruel cycle of chᴇᴀting for they by no means fix their low self-esteem.
14. THE CHANCE PRESENTS ITSELF.
Some people have extremely little determination. It is more likely that they’d take the chance when the opportunity to chᴇᴀt without being caught appears itself. There may even nothing wrong with their relationship. They simply can’t refrain from it.
These people are most likely to feel awfully embarrassed afterward and may even turn out confessing with their partner out of guilt. Yet, this doesn’t mean there wasn’t any motivating factor. The opportunity in addition to any of the reasons for chᴇᴀting above could be enough to push the person over the fence.
15. THE CHᴇᴀTER IS A NARCISSIST.
The chᴇᴀter is most likely to ignore how their chᴇᴀting makes their partner feel if they are narcissists. They may actually excuse the chᴇᴀting. In worse cases, the narcissist may even prove their partner that it’s the partner’s fault.
Narcissists are so ruthless that they may not even try to conceal their chᴇᴀtings very well. They are unable to bear in mind their partner’s feelings. The chᴇᴀting is perhaps the smallest of fears about the relationship if the chᴇᴀter is a narcissist.
FINAL THOUGHTS ON REASONS for PEOPLE to CHᴇᴀT
There are numerous reasons for people to chᴇᴀt, even more than what is on the list above. There are almost always some psychological motivating elements behind chᴇᴀting. It can sometimes be a mental or emotional issue (hyper s*xuality or narcissist for example).
However, it isn’t right whatever the reason is. No one deserves to be in a relationship with somebody who will always be disloyal. The problems that cause a person to chᴇᴀt may probably be fixed, but they must be eager to put effort into it and the faith must be reestablished in the relationship. Psychologists all agree that although it can be difficult to mend the damage, it’s not impossible.